so i'm not quite sure what i'm feeling this morning. the past few weeks have been ones of strength and growth, and now i just feel weak. there are a lot of questions in my life right now - many of which i can't share to protect the privacy of people i care about. but i just get so frustrated with myself when i live in reaction to my emotions, and say things that i'm not sure i really mean. of course, i almost always mean what i say in the moment, but then my rational mind kicks in later and i wonder, "what the heck was i thinking??" i feel like i'm kicking myself today. sometimes i make bad choices. and i can handle that when i'm the only one that suffers, but it appears that most of our choices have consequences for others. but we can't live in guilt, eh? funny, as i was writing this, i picked up acts 2 and started reading to get some perspective for tonight's gathering, and this is what jumped out: "therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your holy one see decay. you have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." on acts 2, i have to ask myself what my response would have been if i were at pentecost, when the holy spirit came down with a violent wind and tongues of fire...would i have been one of those people who were "amazed and perplexed," and just chalked it up to everyone being drunk? sometimes i feel like such a pendulum - on some days i could be the skeptic, but on others i think i could be peter, explaining the truth to everyone there.